Monday, February 8, 2010

sick of this: period

disclaimer: this post is about periods. menstrual cycles. 'that time of the month'. bleeding from the vagina because that's the way god made us, dammit! if you can't handle that, you are probably male and may not want to continue reading.
see ya back here tomorrow, though!

okay, on to business!
who loves their period?!? not many of us, and yet, each month, i am so ecstatic to get it is almost makes me forget the sensation of my uteran wall ripping itself from my body.

oh, the magic of anatomy.

like all of you, i consider my period to officially suck donkey balls. the cramping, the bloating, the umm, 'other' stomach issues. it's a party, i tell you what!

the other night i awoke in the middle of the night to the joy that is mother nature's monthly 'fuck you for being a woman' and could not for the life of me find my heating pad.

i loves me my heating pad when i'm cramping hardcore and my inability to find it at 4 am wasn't particularly setting very well with me.
i was thisfuckingclose to hopping in the car and driving to walgreens to get myself another one when suddenly inspiration hit!

i took a hand towel, soaked it, wrung it out and microwaved that bitch for about 3 minutes. when it came out of the microwave it was so hot i thought i was going to suffer first degree burns by laying it on my throbbing fupa. (if you don't know fupa, check it out here)

just what i needed!

i've heard that another great trick is to take an old sock, fill it with rice and then microwave that (okay, tie a knot in the sock then microwave it). no water necessary, which is nice seeing as my method tends to soak the bed (but i hurts so bad i just don't care!)

next month, when i'm sure to re-live this beautiful cycle of nature, i'm gonna try the rice idea. afterall, i've never really enjoyed sleeping in a wet spot (ewww, gross!!).

oh, yeah......this works, too:


  1. Fuck the sock... smoke the weed, eat the rice.

  2. karls...i like the way you think, girl! this is kinda a bonus bonus bonus tip:

    i've heard if you can't sleep you should eat a plain baked potato or white's supposed to make you crash after about 20 min.

    large quantities of red wine and a couple of bong rips works equally well, though